Horror Hospital

Horror Hospital (1973) is what Antony Balch dreamed up after making Secrets of Sex (1970). What do you get if you put together a Rolls-Royce fitted with a decapitating blade, a maniacal scientist, a put-upon dwarf assistant and lobotomised “hippies”? You get Horror Hospital. Although not an outright comedy, Balch has his tongue firmly in his cheek as he helms this very British sci-fi horror.

When sacked songwriter Jason (Robin Askwith) looks to escape for a spa break, he seeks out holiday agent Pollack (a deliciously camp Dennis Price). He is recommended Hairy Holidays, a break in the country to fix your health problems. En route he meets Judy (Vanessa Shaw). They decamp at the health resort run by Dr Storm, a wheelchair-bound megalomaniac (Michael Gough).

Doctor Storm is ably assisted by Judy’s Aunt Harris (Ellen Pollock) and a dwarf named Frederick (Skip Martin). There are some very weird happenings at the manor at the hands of Storm and his accomplices. Gough frequently cracks his black-gloved knuckles to emphasise his sinister machinations. He performs lobotomies on young people to turn them into slaves he can control.

“What the fuck’s going on?” exclaims Jason. You may well ask. There is so much going on: Balch throws everything he has got at it, then finds another subplot involving a badly mutilated creature who may or may not be Doctor Storm.

A character called Abraham (Kurt Christian) enters the story later, looking for his missing girlfriend. He proves his worth in helping Jason and Judy make their escape. Judy asks Abraham why he hasn’t told the police. He replies, “It’s such a fantastic story they never would have believed it.” He is not wrong. It really is unbelievable, but Balch just about pulls it off.

De Wolfe once again raid their library for suitable music to fit a scene: an uptempo dramatic theme for a punch-up in the woods, spacey electronica for a gas-induced sleep. You get the idea.

The LA Times wrote: “Director Balch mixes campy humor, gruesome deeds and brutal shock effects. Gough, who is appropriately ghoulish, wears a crimson cape and a tuxedo he may have borrowed from Dracula.”

Praise indeed for both director and actor. I am sure they both set out to do exactly that.